june 12, 2002
take me to your leader - incubus

what if i'm just living a dream? then i'd be terribly pissed off, some dream this is!!!
today is independence day. i never really understood how something, someone, even a country, could be wholly independent. i seem not to understand a lot of things in this life. the incessant-hard-on-kid thought i'm some freak and i'm doing it to be cool. how horrible!!! but i remember that this exactly what i accused oscar of. i am horrible!!!! maybe i have fucking blinders in my eyes. i know it's true that i walk through life with my nose on the air. i always see people but i know that they exist in another planet. i have never felt that i belong. i miss high school, life seems so much eaier back then. looking back, it seems like a totally different planet. people could be so judgmental and i hate myself that i even care what they think about. i don't want to belong anywhere, i don't want acceptance. i am happy if i could be horizontal the whole day to escape this hell, by dreaming dreams that i always lose everytime i wake up. nobody understands the inner workings of my twisted mind. not even me.