May 4, 2002

I'm scared. The idea that I'm braving life alone sacres the shit out of me. Suddenly I am bombarded with all these choices and I'm a big sissy just waiting to screw up. I'm not as strong as I have fooled myself for too long. I'm a child who refuses to wear high heels because they don't make sense. I am lost at the adult world. A world of face paint, dyed hair and silly banterings. I hate the adult world. A world of surmounting emotions, undecisiveness, longing and jealousy. Is it really human nature to make mistakes? Or is this just another fabricated myth created by people because otherwise life would be too boring. In this case, does being a goody-two-shoe make me a non-human? Why couldn't I just abandon reason and do it with the incessant-hard-on-kid? why do i dream about it, yearn for it, and resent the every chance that it almost happened? Why do i love myself too much? why does he have to be a cheat with nice hands? And why does the spidey kid found someone else in months? Questions, it's absurd. Who's supposed to answer them?